I spot your figure amongst the mass of bodies crushing and squeezing together to get by. I start my way towards you, gently pushing and shoving against other pushing and shoving beings. I yell your name, but the sound crushes beneath the chattering of others. Suddenly my eye sight gets wrenched violently away from you and towards her approaching silhouette. I wonder where she came from. I watch as you two have a brief but intimate hug, speaking more than words ever could. It throws me off, tosses me out. I feel my breath catch, then stop. Body and mind are no longer one, as mind takes a crash course through reality whilst body stays rigid on the spot.
Oh, what I wouldn't give to have someone look at me like that, with love expressive in eyes. I am unaware of the emptiness that surrounded me. I feel a whoosh of air explode out from me as mind and body rejoined. Temperature drops with emptiness spreading across my chest. The wind blows at me from several directions. I stand, transfixed, eyes glued to you and her, together. I suddenly feel lost, though a moment ago I was sure of myself. Comprehension leaves me the moment realization dawns. I don't have that. Not now, not ever. No easy partnership. No unwavering trust. No love. No love at all. I feel an unexpected tightness in my chest, aching and slowly spreading. I absently wonder why.
You then pivot, giving me just enough time to pull my expression into one of impatience and exasperation. I have masked countless times. Different situations, different faces. It needs not the mind's concentration to move the body anymore. This does not even fall into the category of skills anymore. It is a simple, mandatory sense.
You spot me and walk over, her in tow. You greet me, and I absently talk back, giving a brief, only friendly hug. You then walk past me to the door, and my feet follow out of their own will. For at that moment, I realize what that twinge in my chest means.
I was lonely.