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sometimes i find myself walking or driving or maybe on the tread mill in gym thinking

what if

what if i did not live my life like i lived it 1 year ago

or lived it like i lived it 10 years ago?

i get this sense of frustration but also a sense of satisfaction

frustration in what sense?

well simple

i could have chosen a different life course totally. i could still be at age 35 like i was at age 24 i could be wild free and TOTAL a free moral agent! but what would that have made me? would i have been able to love like i do now?

would i have married my husband and lived our life we living now or would i have been touring the world and city hopping like i wanted to do when i was 20?.

what if i became the stand up comedian i wanted to become or the wife of some famous rugby player or music artist? which both i must admit almost happened.

but now i am the wife of a man who loves me with all his heart! ge is not rich he is not famous but he is a gem.

can i say i return the favor and make him a happy woman? well on the 3rd of june i will be with him for 10 years!!!!!!!!! that must say something or does it make a statement of content?

well we will have to see as years will follow from now on.

people find me weird.

people find me a in your face person

people find me too wild people find me too loud?

i find myself a extremist and pushing myself to the limits

but who are people to label us as weird, loud or just not their type of person?

we are our persons!!!. we are the person we want to be and F$*K THOSE who think different.

in the past i have always been scared to offend people and i have actually started putting myself in the box people wanting me in.

changing my foot out my mouth just not to land in trouble.

but screw that. i have found a channel of expression. looking for the deeper me evaluating myself and realizing where i been hurt by lovers and friends. and making changes to go on and live my life the way i want it to be from hereon.

i have found that i can be me and make people like me more by being me.

never have i thought i will find that drive to live my life to the full, through someone ten years my junior who is making music and expressing music through fashion.

but yes i have.

i have listned to lots of music and liked a lot of pop/rock artists but never ever have i had a IDOL!!

now i have a IDOL YEAH IDOL MY OWN MUSIC ARTIST IDOL who i adore.

and i enjoy her music all the time and this sounds weird but, i have been listning to her music and only her music

i play her CD's in my CAR

i play her songs on my BLACKBERRY

i play her songs on my iPhone

i play her music on my ipod

it is my ringtones. my message tones

my screensaver is 319 photos of her that i have down loaded from the net

i strive to find all her remixes.

i also collect her video files of the net and add them to my fav's to look at.

i track her concert tour. i track her bloggs and tweet

DONT GET ME WRONG I AM NO STALKER or a super obsessed person.

but for the first time i can say i can relate to a GREAT artist who i actually love like a successfull child or younger sister.

all i can say is LADY GAGA thank you for being my voice and my thoughts.

have a fabulous tour may the Monster Ball be the blast that sets you apart from every other normal female / male artist that has ever crossed before you.

i think we still gonna see a lot of you in the future. one thing i can say with pride... I AM GOING TO GROW WISER AND OLDER WITH GAGA'S MUSIC IN MY EARS


long live LADY GAGA

now that is it.... from me for now

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