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How can life have more ups and downs then any of this worlds roller coasters? :S

It's hard being a teen... I'm sure many agree... I hate the drama, how everyone likes to put there life in your hands one moment and then doesn't even want to tell you the time of day the next. I hate the relationships, friends, more then friends... I hate how they all get screwed up. You say you are gonna be friends forever and then everything changes. It's not that change is a bad thing, it's just, not a good one sometimes either... You end up hurting the people you told yourself you wouldn't hurt, and you end up befriending the people you thought you'd never speak to, ever...

But like I was say, relationships at this time in life are harsh. My director always says "Expierienes will always help you in life because every expierience comes with a test, and if you can go through that test you know you are strong, you can go on, and that you have learned something..." Well, I don't know what I've learned yet, but this is deffinitly a test.

You see, I'm bi. Love it or hate it, that's what I am. So I have no trouble going out with girls. So when one of my best friends said she liked me,I thought, great, I know her, I know I like her, I know we get along, this should be a good relationship. But what I didn't expect was how awkward I would feel. And when I say awkward I mean REALLY awkward. I eneded up having to tell her straight up that I couldn't do it anymore. It was just to weird for me. Not that I didn't care about her or anything, I just couldn't get close to her in that way.

Now I know I hurt her, but she usually gets over things in around 3 weeks... Which is why, when my current bf asked me out about a month after my break up, I said yes. I knew she wouldn't be happy, but I thought she would understand, seeing as she was still my best friend.

Once again, I was wrong....

I just hung out to dry and didn't even know it. And what I dont' get is that she's the one that started dating after a WEEK of our break up! I mean, you'd think she wouldn't feel that bad, but obviously, she does.... She sent me a letter today explaining how much I was hurting her just being around my bf. According to her words, I can't even TOUCH him without killing her more inside....

I'm not sure what to do... On the one hand, I feel absolutely terrible for what I'm doing to her cause I still love her, just not in that way. And I mean, on that same hand, I would have to dump my bf to make her happy. But that would make me unhappy which brings to my side of this situation. To me, she's taking this a little far. I mean, I can't even TOUCH him, as in like put my hand on his shoulder or anything? I think that's a little harsh. And even though it would make her happy, the last thing I want to do is let a guy like my bf get away cause he's really the first person that I have loved that loves me back the same way...

I'm just... Really confused... It makes me sad. I'm ripped apart. I mean, I got some advice from someone with expierience in this category and she said that what's happening to my ex girlfriend is not my fault and that wanting to be close to my bf is normal and that she has to get over it cause I told her that I only wanted to be friends. And I agree...

So, if I agree... Why do I feel so sick to my stomach?

Please help me, post your thoughts, comment... I'm so lost... :(

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Tags: hate, help, love, relationships

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