Why does life suck so bad? I mean I am a good person. I am nice to everybody. I try to be optimistic. I make one wrong decision after another. I guess it is all my fault. I let to many people dictate my life I guess. Or I consider everyone else before myself. I just want to be happy. But I don't know how anymore. To much has happened in the past year for me to be happy. And the crap keeps piling up. I just sit and cry anymore. I don't know what else to do. I have sent resumes, filled out applications, and made phone calls. I am 30 and don't have a degree. I am screwed. I can't get assistance from anyone because i am not married and don't have kids. I need new glasses but can't even afford to get them. I also need teeth and there too I can not afford them. I just wish something would go right for me. I don't know what else to do.
I thought about it today. If I had never been born my mother would have completed college and my parents wouldn't have to worry about money. And my brother would have been an only child and would not have had to want for anything. My parents would be happy and not stressed out all the time. My brother would have gone to private school like my mom wanted him to.
Well the only things in this world I truly want is for people to be happy, My parents not to have all of the debt, for my brother and his wife to have a happy long marriage, for my niece and nephew to be happy and healthy, for my grandparents to be well, for my aunts and uncles to be healthy and happy, for my cousins to go for what they really want in life, and for a job in the music biz as an personal assistant.
I just want things to work out. I want to be happy again. I want to find love. I want to now what it feels like to be loved.